As a psychologist dealing with children and parents, I have come across over 100 mothers on a one-on-one basis over the passed year. Once inside the clinic, the door closed, and its just me and mom, the confessions begin. I am not surprised to say that while parents come to me for guidance I too have learnt and continue to learn so much throughout my experience and for that I am grateful. I am writing my learnings from both the perspective of a psychologist and mother as well, as I can’t resist relating and identify so much to myself as parent, and so I will be address ‘mothers’ as ‘we’. Below is based only my honest and humble opinion, no facts or studies have been conducted but rather my clinical observations of the majority of mothers I have seen and dealt with. Here are my 3 main learning’s from working with mothers:
**DISCLAIMER: Slight information has been changed for protection of client confidentiality.**
We seek perfection
Motherhood enlarges our heart 1000 times from its original size. Instantly we have so much more love to pass around, time to give and unconditional efforts to spare. While many mothers know this, several disregard that motherhood also highlights our flaws as well, we fall back on dishes, being on time and almost always forget taking care of ourselves when really, that is part of the deal of parenting. It IS messy, it IS exhausting and it IS a lot to take it and that is OK. Fact is though, mothers are human too, we make mistakes and while we strive so hard at being the best mother for our kids, mom guilt can sometimes overcome and when it does, shake it off, cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself, you are allowed to be perfectly imperfect.
We feel like we don’t “fit in” most of the time
There is so much pressure in this idea that mothers need to have it all together and figured out. As a result of this fallacy, a hidden pretentious approach exists between mothers, one that only moms will understand. It’s almost like a coded language which sounds something like this “I spent the whole night making gluten free oat cookies for my sons to take to school, then after drop off I’m hand-making their school performance costume while I do my nails, setting up their fun activities for when they come home and of course reading to them 5 times a day to foster creativity. I just don’t understand mothers who aren’t ‘hands on’.”
Ummm?
Mom, you have nothing to prove. I am that type of mom that asks for help cause I can’t do it all on my own, that doesn’t give my kids lots of activities in their free time, that’s too tiered to cook so eats leftovers from yesterday and that type of mom that remembers the groceries when we have none in the fridge. This is who I am. I’m also insanely in love with my kids, kiss and hug them (sometimes forcefully) because they’re just too cute, I’m an honest friend, sometimes an emotional wreck, I keep it more real than ever and a very late-min type of person.
If someone doesn’t accept you with your flaws, they don’t deserve your beautiful qualities either. If you are surrounding yourself with friends that make you feel ashamed of how you parent or feel the need to pretend to fit in, you don’t have to put up with it, make new friends.
We all have problems, if you knew what everyone is going through you’ll really want to take your problem back.
In this day and age, it’s become so easy to ‘seem’ perfect. A plastered smile there, a ‘picture perfect’ post here, a brag about how ‘lucky’ someone may seem, and you’ve boxed them into the perfect mom, wife, parent, sister, host, business woman, cook, fashionista there is. FALSE. Perfection doesn’t exist. Everyone, yes, everyone is going through troubles, challenges and issues. Everyone does face hardship no matter how ‘perfect’ they may seem on the outside. Everyone fights their share of struggles every single day, just like us too, and most probably even harder troubles than the ones we usually worry about. The ‘perfect’ fashionista might be going through a divorce, the ‘perfect’ cook might be heavily grieving her parent’s death, the ‘perfect’ business woman might be doing her best to stay away from her abusive husband, the ‘perfect’ influencer with 300k followers might be suffering from depression and feeling like the loneliest person on the planet and the ‘perfect’ wife might be struggling with her child’s diagnosis of developmental delay. Never believe everything you see or hear, whatever everyone’s case may be, just remember, everyone is doing they best they can with the knowledge they have.
Bottom line the following summarize things I have learnt from working with several mothers this year. Mom guilt can sometimes overcome and when it does, shake it off, cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself, you are allowed to be perfectly imperfect. If you are surrounding yourself with friends that make you feel like ashamed of how you parent or need to pretend to fit in, make new friends. Finally, never believe everything you see/hear, whatever everyone’s case may be, just remember, everyone is doing they best they can with the knowledge they have. Let’s all aim for a more real, judgment-free and honest parenting journey. Until I share more, same time next year, I am here for you.
Amina Diab
summarize all the amazing resources in Egypt that provide the best delivery service of ‘back to school’ essentials. Yes, meaning you can order your essentials from the comfort of your own home. I literally went down to every store and/or checked out their online portals before posting this to make sure what I post is available, in stock and some even on SALE! From pencil cases, to matching water bottles and of course the essential school bag pack, it’s all covered here in my top 5 stores for back to school essentials.
The first words that come to mind when thinking of 
‘school list’ supplies making it easier for you to finish up your school stationary checklist in just own click. All you need to do, is pick your child’s school and grade, and voila, your supply list is already generated for you and automatically the total amount is calculated for you to pay online and receive within days. How efficient is that! Try is out and let me know your experience. In all honestly however, not all supply lists for all schools are available on their website and this may seem as a great disadvantage to this service.
The hip the pricey the classic and the cost efficient – they have the whole range. Besides your typical back to school checklist items what I personally love about 
Nour Stationery specializes in only – well you guessed it, stationary. How this works is that you send her a Whatsapp, or Facebook message with all your needed supplies for the beginning of the school year, and within a couple of days, you will find it on your door step. I have only recently discovered 
Children accustom themselves more easily in new situations and events when they know what to expect. Speaking to your child about what to anticipate prior to change allows them to feel more emotionally secure by providing them with stability through a perceived controlled environment. Better yet, if you have the ability to provide visual images before beginning a new school/ classroom / teacher, children are more likely to accept and encourage the change by familiarizing themselves with it once put in the situation. 
When we force our children to surrender to undesired affection in order to show respect to the elderly of the family and not offend their feelings, we demonstrate that their bodies do not really belong to them. Instead, they have to always take into consideration how other’s might feel before listening to their own feelings. This instills a ‘people pleaser’ trait, which allows children to behave in certain ways with the justification of so ‘he’ll like me,’ or ‘so I can be accepted.’ By pushing their physical limits we teach them their body is to please someone else (usually in authority). So if you would like your children to grow into confident beings who can easily say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ in situations of stress, peer pressure or bulling, you need to begin cultivating this trait from now.
This may come to a shock for most but what I have come to realise with experience is when parent’s loose their temper and choose to use their ‘strength’ to discipline their child (whether by shouting or using slight physical touch) almost 80% of them have reported that this is when they feel weakest and lack control. This says a lot about how loosing our temper really plays with our logical reason. The less you are in control of your reactions, the less you will be able to regulate and guide your child positively.
Setting rules and boundaries is a necessity for children, however this does not contradict with achieving so with constant KINDNESS. It is a common misconception that in order to discipline, one must only be firm when communicating with the child. While firmness is essential, it is only beneficial to your parent-child relationship when coupled with kindness. Go down to eye level when speaking, calm your tone of voice whenever possible, express your understanding of their feelings, remind them they are loved are all examples of showing kindness that do not contradict with your firm guidelines e.g ‘(eye level) I know you feel sad because you want to play with your friends and I understand you wish you could stay longer, but it’s night and it’s time to sleep, I love you and know this is hard for you but we have to go now.’
I left best for last, as I undoubtedly believe this is pivotal. A lot of the times parents come to me with the problem saying ‘my son/daughter KNOWS its wrong but still decides to go back and do it anyway.’ Sound familiar? Rest assured this is by no means simply because your children want to ‘annoy’ you but rather are seeking guidance from you. Children like to be told what to do rather what not to do. They like to hear ‘play with you brother gently’ rather than ‘don’t hit your brother’ or ‘walk slowly’ instead of ‘don’t run’ and ‘play in this room’ instead of ‘you are not allows to play here.’ What is the difference in approaches? You are providing salutations and guidance on what you want your child to actually be doing allowing them to form a clearer picture in their head of what is expected of them.
People stare, point and might even be judging parents of children with special needs for not being able to “control” their child, especially those who have no or little understanding about children with special needs. There may be adults who understand and can sympathize with those parents, yet children are typically curious and will most likely ask questions and make comments that, although they are innocent, can be very hurtful. This is why advocation is tremendous. Beyond being able to identify their child’s experience to support them in making better decisions for themselves, understanding their child’s experience can help parents teach other parents who will then hopefully raise a better educated, accepting and tolerant generation.
Christine “Kiki” Haddad Zaynoun MPS ATR is an art therapist who received her bachelor’s degree in fine arts from the American University of Cairo in 2012 and her master’s degree in creative arts therapy from Pratt Institute in New York in 2014. Kiki is currently working as an art therapist and RDI© Program consultant at Therapeutic Approach to Growth in San Diego, CA. She worked at Imagine Academy for Autism and The League Education and Treatment Center in NYC as well as the Advance Society and the Learning Resource Center in Cairo, Egypt where she practiced art therapy and DIR® Floortime therapy with children and their parents with a wide range of special needs of ages 2 to 30. Kiki features in “Art Therapy: The Movie”, a documentary about art therapy across the globe and has written a chapter in the upcoming book “Art Therapy in the Middle East”. Kiki has 10+ of experience supporting those with special needs, which she is immensely passionate for. But also loves art, music, traveling and reading!
When a child mispronounces a word, whether they are developmentally capable of pronouncing all letters or not, it is best to ignore. Provide neither a positive reaction as laughing nor negative reaction by bringing it to their attention such as ‘your saying it wrong.’
amina diab 